Ghost Ship

by:  Deborah A. Novo

Jemiyah-Ghost-ship-STARI hear you speaking and sense no depth. I hear you repeatedly lying, while looking me dead in the eye, and see you so broken. Lying is your normal and truth is the enemy. It has become more comfortable to control your life by sustaining lies rather than tell the truth. The truth now represents weakness and helplessness.

It has been years of Attachment Therapy and “therapeutic parenting” and it remains very apparent your early neglect continues to leave you feeling void and alone. The image that comes to my mind is that of a ghost ship, sailing through life feeling vacant. You can exude such a superficial confidence to others but your eyes remain hollow.

You were taught you couldn’t rely on adults to love, comfort and protect you. Despite all the years of giving you just that, you still believe that destructive lie applies to every adult. You seem like a crew member aboard that skeleton ship performing your daily duties, painfully unaware that you do have genuine purpose in this life.

You say real peace and happiness is an uncommon feeling. The emptiness you describe as “very deep” dictates your actions and reactions. You were born with a soul that innately knows joy, compassion and forgiveness. I constantly look into your eyes for signs that you are aware and connected to this essence. I ask you to look into my eyes and tell me what you see and you respond, “probably sadness.” This would not be wrong. There is a palpable sadness that has taken hold raising our only two children with Reactive Attachment Disorder. I tell him I want him to look deeper and see I am holding all the hope, love and compassion he needs. How much he allows himself to see depends on his courage.

Sometimes, before sleep, I will have a vivid picture of this ghost ship and offer a prayer of intention and protection for you.

Dear Son,
May the Light of the Universe surround you.
May the Power of the Universe protect you.
May the Love of the Universe enfold you.
May the Intention of the Universe guide you.
May a Power higher than you and I be an endless source of light for your healing.

Touching Trauma at Its Heart is a blog written by Attachment & Trauma Network’s voices: a collection of parents, professionals and volunteers who represent a variety of perspectives and experiences related to attachment issues and the effect of trauma on children and on families.

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